You've all been exposed (harassed) by it.. You've seen the vague social media posts promising impossible outcomes. You've been tricked into listening.. Perhaps you've even been conned into participating. I'm sure you've figured it out by now.. Multi-level marketing *cough* pyramid scheme *cough*.
Whether it is make up, tupperware, oils, appliances, meal replacements, whatever the product, it's the same disgusting business model that preys on the vulnerable and forces "business owners" to abuse their relationships, friendships and even their family connections in order to make money for other people.
Without going into the well-documented detail about some brands not even fulfilling what they claim to do (think "chemical free" make up that causes severe dermatological reactions or oils that claim to cure cancer), there is little to no money to make unless you become a recruiter.
So this means forcing people into "businesses" that you already know aren't going to make them any money, and when they do make "$1000 a week", it's because they’ve spent $900 on the products to sell. And how do they sell these products?? By inviting unsuspecting friends and family members to parties/lunch/brunch/dinner who are then guilted into purchasing products from them.
And this is done from the best place too; of course your mum wants to help you out. You already know she's going to buy something just to support you. Your friends come for the same reason. It isn't because they want to lose 250kg in two weeks, it’s because they love you, they support you and they want the best for you.
These companies have literally been built around the abuse of relationships and it makes me sick. Even I, who despises this business model, feel guilty saying no or asking people not to invite me. I feel like I am letting them down. It is such a disgusting and immoral way to make money.
Then we get onto the recruiting, where you "build your team" and a percentage of their sales goes to you, and it turn to the person who recruited you and so on and so on.. So the "mum and dad" owners of these businesses, doing the hard yards and abusing their friendships are the ones making the least amount of money.. And these regional managers/gold account holders (whatever they call them) make money for doing nothing.
So why do people sign up? Because they are already vulnerable. You have given them the spiel about the “awesomeness” of the product. They have cared about you enough to come and listen in the first place, so if you push them really hard, explain how much it will benefit your business if they sign up to sell as well, if you abuse every part of social etiquette and reinforce your relationship with them, most will cave.
Then they are left investing in a "business" they didn't want to start in the first place, and are put in the same position as you are, using your relationships to make other people money.
I guess if you have a lot time and a large network, you could definitely make money (eventually) but at what cost? You soul? Not today Satan.
NB: you’re not your “own boss” if there’s a line of people above you.........
Parenting has always been difficult, but parenting in a world where online and social media outlets pit parents against each other is even harder.
Granted, the Western world has lower infant mortality rates and a greater understanding of post-natal depression, but the highly-stylised and manufactured images of parenting that are offered up on social media can often lead to parents feeling helpless and alone.
Hayley Dymock is a mother of one from Perth, Western Australia. She joined an online mother group shortly before giving birth to her first child, hoping to find support and comraderie.
“At first, the group was very supportive and we all got along so well. Our children were all born about six weeks apart so we really felt like we were all in it together.
“As our online group got bigger, the posts got more competitive and mums were silently fighting for the title of the most creative, most doting or most busy,” she said.
After a year of persisting with the group, Ms Dymock eventually exited saying that her mental health was being negatively affected by the one-upping in the group.
With so many differing modern parenting styles, there are highly specialised groups all over social media for parents who subscribe to particular parenting frameworks.
The ‘crunchy parents’ who practice extended breastfeeding, baby wearing, co-sleeping and natural living. ‘Gentle’ and ‘attachment’ parenting, where parents promote the strong bond between mother and child and positive re-enforcement rather than punishment. And the Tizzy Hall devotees who let their children ‘cry it out’ to try and ‘sleep train’ them.
All different. All with their own rules. And groups devoted to them are all over social media.
These groups allow those who subscribe to similar philosophies to come together and share wisdom.
Sounds great right? Sure, until you dare step outside the carefully defined lines of that framework.
Like Ms Dymock, Kayte McDougall from Sydney's Inner West is a first-time mother. She said that after the birth of her daughter, she dabbled in online support groups looking for the ‘right one’.
“I was looking for advice about weaning my daughter off breastfeeding as I returned to work. I was in a group specifically for breastfeeding advice so thought it would be the best place to ask but as soon as I mentioned that she was only seven months old, they all turned on me," Ms McDougall said.
“Even the admin of the group jumped on me. They seemed to be the most active and immediately commented saying I was potentially doing emotional damage to my child.
“That was the point I left.”
Despite Ms Dymock and Ms McDougall having negative experiences, not all parents do. Jessica McGinty is a mother of three children who has been in many different parenting groups.
“I’ve got a parenting group at the moment that’s my due-in group for my youngest… and they’re amazing," she said.
Due-in groups are those formed by mothers expecting children at the same time.
"Like, it’s the most supportive group of women that I’ve ever met and it’s really, really empowering,” she said.
Ms McGinty has found that finding support through women who are at the same stages of parenting to be the most effective.
A 2012 Canadian study concluded that “online support groups provide women experiencing postpartum depression a safe place to connect with others and receive information, encouragement and hope”.
However, another study published in May this year found that using social media as a tool of comparison can lead to issues with self esteem and, in the context of motherhood, shows specifically how social media can be problematic.
Beyond Blue says that peri-natal depression can affect up to one in 10 women and post-natal depression affects one in seven women, one in 10 fathers will develop post-natal depression and one to two in 1000 women may develop post-partum psychosis.
Statistics show how prevalent depression related to birth is in Australia. Image: Rory Banwell
Psychologist Alexandra Rodwell says that it is known that social support can act as a buffer against mental illness and is used as a predictor of wellbeing/good mental health outcomes but for these groups to be effective, they must provide balance.
“Online parenting groups cannot act as a forum solely for co-rumination about negative aspects of parenthood. It is also ideal to receive support from varied sources such as family, friends and other parents in real life,” she said.
So, while online parenting groups may have their role in modern parenting, it is imperative that you find a support group in real life and use online group to supplement real life encounters.
NOTE: THIS POST WAS WRITTEN IN RESPONSE TO THE #METOO CAMPAIGN AFTER RECEIVING A BARRAGE OF MESSAGES
I AM SICK OF GETTING #NOTALLMEN MESSAGES.. So this is my message to anyone who feels the need to message me.
OF COURSE NOT ALL MEN COMMIT ACTS OF SEXUAL VIOLENCE... HOWEVER:
1. 73% of sexual violence committed against males in Australia, is committed by other men (ABS, 2012). 2. Men have a 1 in 23 chance of being sexually assaulted in Australia, however, after a man turns 10 that chance decreases dramatically unless incarcerated (ABS, 2012). 3. Somewhere between 93-97% of all sexual violence (MALE, FEMALE AND GENDER NON-CONFORMING VICTIMS) is committed by MALES (http://www.casa.org.au/casa_pdf.php?document=statistics - ABS, 2014)
MALE VICTIMS OF SEXUAL VIOLENCE EXIST AND THEY DESERVE TO BE HEARD, THEY DESERVE A SOCIETY IN WHICH IT IS POSSIBLE FOR THEM TO DISCLOSE WITHOUT FEAR, HOWEVER:
We can not change our discourse about sexual violence from male-centred violence, because OVERWHELMINGLY, sexual violence is committed by men. I understand that may make you feel uncomfortable, it's abhorrent.. But the problem in our society is not who is the victim, or which gender has it worse... The problem is MALE VIOLENCE.
So before you message me #notallmen.. Please take some time to look at statistics and look at my message. I care just as much about male victims as I do about female, however, women are about 5 x times more like to be assaulted than men and our gender non-conforming friends are about 10 x more likely to be assaulted.... AND MEN ARE THE ONES WHO DO IT.
IF YOU WANT REAL CHANGE.. IF YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT MALE VICTIMS, I implore you to look at our society and try and figure out how we change this culture of toxic masculinity that prevents men from disclosing... I implore you to start your own campaign about how the prevalence of male child sexual assault... It's important to talk about it.. BUT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TALK OVER MY MESSAGE.. We can care about more than one thing at once.
BUT WE CAN NOT CHANGE STATISTICS..... And those show that MALES commit sexual violence.. So let's educate our boys better.. Help me in the sexual education revolution and get behind SNAFI.. That's what my ultimate goal is, to get into schools and try and work out how we can change these statistics.. But at teh moment this is what we have to deal with.
SO PLEASE DON'T SEND ME #NOTALLMEN messages because I know.. I know.. I wouldn't be engaged to an amazing man if I didn't know..... BUT THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE STATISTICS.
/endrant
